the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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