Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
