if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
