It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
