i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
