So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
