Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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