Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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