The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
