My first STD was from a foam party
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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