This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
