we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
