I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
