Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
