i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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