i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You dont lie about slip and slides
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
