Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
