I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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