Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
