if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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