I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
