Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
