her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
