I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
