yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Sober January is a disaster.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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