look no pants
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
