dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I showed him my bush... on skype.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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