I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
