We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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