well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
