i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
