I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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