yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
