I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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