it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
