I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
