I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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