I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
