We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
