I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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