It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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