operation have a gay friend backfired
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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