Betty ford says i'm here all night
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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