i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
