remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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