it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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