y did u give ur computer a hand job?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
