Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
