you traded sex for a burrito?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
