People in love make me want to vomit
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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