ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Randomize
