I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
