Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
