Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize