Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
