please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
