dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
