Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize