Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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