I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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