beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
