Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
