called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
