It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
