Pregnant stripper...not hot.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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