capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize