i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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