they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
