that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
