Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
