I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
