we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
