Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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