She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
