Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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