Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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