i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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