If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
why do cheetos always look like penises
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
This is the high leading the old right now
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
