Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
