I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
