I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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