If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
