I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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